The Gift Horse of the Gridiron

Somewhere in Olympia during the time of Apollo, there lived a seer with a schockingly un-Greek name: Laocoön (pronounced lay-OK-oh-ahn). Well, one day he tried to warn the Trojans against accepting the wooden horse gift, but they ignored him of course, and the rest, well, is histo-- errrrrr, mythology. Anyway, ignore me like they did him, although he probably has the answers to the 2022 NFL playoffs. So, as always, listen to me now, and believe me later.

Playoff Records

2021-22: 15-11
2020-21: 10-15-1
2019-20: 14-8
2018-19: 12-9-1
2017-18: 15-7
2016-17: 9-13
2015-16: 16-6
2014-15: 7-14-1
2013-14: 12-10
2012-13: 12-9-1
Overall: 122-102-4 (54.5%)

Sat 1/15/2022

1. Raiders +6 LOSS
2. Raiders/Bengals under 48.5 WIN
3. Bills -4.5 WIN
4. Patriots/Bills under 43 LOSS

Sun 1/16/2022

1. Eagles +7 LOSS
2. Eagles/Buccaneers under 47 WIN
3. 49ers +3.5 WIN
4. 49ers/Cowboys over 51 LOSS
5. Steelers +12 LOSS
6. Steelers/Chiefs over 46½ WIN

Mon 1/17/2022

1. Cardinals +4 LOSS
2. Cardinals/Rams under 48½ WIN

Sat 1/22/2022

1. Titans -4 LOSS
2. Benglas/Titans over 48½ LOSS
3. 49ers +5½ WIN
4. 49ers/Packers under 47 WIN

Sun 1/23/2022

1. Rams +3 WIN
2. Rams/Buccaneers over 48 WIN
3. Bills +3 LOSS
4. Bills/Chiefs under 54 WIN

Sun 1/30/2022

1. Bengals +7 WIN
2. Bengals/Chiefs over 54 LOSS
3. 49ers +3.5 WIN
4. 49ers/Rams under 45½ WIN

Sun 2/13/2022

1. Rams -4 LOSS
2. Bengals/Rams under 48½ WIN

This Ampyx Goes to 11

Thousands of years ago, in a world not exactly real, there was a Greek seer named Ampycus, but the world will remember him by another name: Scarface. Actually that's not true; anyone who knew him called him Ampyx, maybe Amp. He may have played guitar, but probably not. At best, he played the bouzouki. The point is we don't know much about the guy other than that he could see the future. Indeed, even Wikipedia is oddly quiet re Kyrie Ampycus: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ampyx. Either way, we know he was a seer, and he probably had the answers to 2021's NFL playoffs. Unfortunately, my Delorean doesn't go to 11, and it certainly doesn't go 88 miles per hour, so we're stuck with this. So, as always, listen to me now, and believe me later.

Playoff Records

2020-21: 10-15-1
2019-20: 14-8
2018-19: 12-9-1
2017-18: 15-7
2016-17: 9-13
2015-16: 16-6
2014-15: 7-14-1
2013-14: 12-10
2012-13: 12-9-1
Overall: 107-91-4 (54.0%)

Sat 1/9/2021

1. Bills -6 LOSS
2. Colts/Bills over 51 PUSH
3. Rams +3 WIN
4. Rams/Seahawks over 42 WIN
5. Bucs -10 LOSS
6. Bucs/Washington under 45 LOSS

Sun 1/10/2021

1. Titans +3½ LOSS
2. Ravens/Titans under 54½ WIN
3. Saints -10 WIN
4. Bears/Saints under 48 WIN
5. Steelers -5 LOSS
6. Browns/Steelers under 47½ LOSS

Sat 1/16/2020

1. Rams +7 LOSS
2. Rams/Packers over 45 WIN
3. Ravens +3 LOSS
4. Ravens/Bills under 50 WIN

Sun 1/17/2020

1. Chiefs -10 LOSS
2. Browns/Chiefs under 57 WIN
3. Saints -3 LOSS
4. Bucs/Saints under 52 WIN

Sun 1/24/2020

1. Packers -3 LOSS
2. Bucs/Packers under 51 LOSS
3. Bills +3 LOSS
4. Bills/Chiefs over 54 WIN

Sun 2/2/2020

1. Chiefs -3 LOSS
2. 49ers/Chiefs over 55½ LOSS

The Blind Leading the Blind

Per ancient Greek lore, perhaps the best-known seer was the ironically blind Tiresias, who spent much of his life wandering the mountains of the Peloponnese-- the very same mountains under the shadows of which my father was born and raised. Although my prognostications during the 2019 NFL regular season resembled more of a roller coaster ride than those of a mythical prophet who was allegedly never wrong, there's a faint glimmer of hope that this ancient heritage somehow made its way to Pasadena. Tiresias was credited by some as the inventor of augury, the ability to interpret omens from the flight of birds. While only one game this weekend involves any birds, let's take a shot at all of them. So, as always, listen to me now, and believe me later.

Past Playoff Records

2019: 14-8
2018: 12-9-1
2017: 15-7
2016: 9-13
2015: 16-6
2014: 7-14-1
2013: 12-10
2012: 12-9-1
Overall: 97-76-3 (56%)

Sat 1/4/2020

1. Texans -2½ WIN
2. Bills/Texans under 43½ WIN
3. Patriots -5 LOSS
4. Titans/Patriots over 44½ LOSS

Sun 1/5/2020

1. Vikings +7½ WIN
2. Vikings/Saints under 49½ WIN
3. Eagles +1½ LOSS
4. Seahawks/Eagles under 45 WIN

Sat 1/11/2020

1. Vikings +7 LOSS
2. Vikings/49ers under 44 WIN
3. Titans +10 WIN
4. Titans/Ravens over 47 LOSS

Sun 1/12/2020

1. Chiefs -9½ WIN
2. Texans/Chiefs over 51 WIN
3. Packers -4½ WIN
4. Seahawks/Packers over 47 WIN

Sun 1/19/2020

1. Chiefs -7 WIN
2. Titans/Chiefs under 52½ LOSS
3. Packers +7½ LOSS
4. Packers/49ers under 46½ LOSS

Sun 2/2/2020

1. Chiefs -1 WIN
2. 49ers/Chiefs under 54 WIN

Calchas-lating the fate of flight in the NFL Playoffs

My father is from the Peloponnese peninsula in western Greece, now just a figment of the old world stuck in time, but once a great birthplace of ancient philosophy and development. Although my ability to predict the NFL regular season might dictate otherwise, there's some chance, no matter how faint, that I descended from this guy: Calchas, the Peloponnesian soothsayer, who was known mainly for his ability to interpret the flight of birds. We have Ravens and Seahawks and Eagles ready to soar, but Calchas might just say, "Nevermore." So, as always, listen to me now, and believe me later.

Last year's record: 15-7

This year's record: 12-9-1

Sat 1/5/2019

1. Colts +1½ WIN
2. Colts/Texans over 48 LOSS
3. Seahawks +2 PUSH
4. Seahawks/Cowboys under 43 LOSS

Sun 1/6/2019

1. Chargers +3 WIN
2. Chargers/Ravens under 42 WIN
3. Bears -6½ LOSS
4. Eagles/Bears under 41½ WIN

Sat 1/12/2019

1. Chiefs -5 WIN
2. Colts/Chiefs under 57 WIN
3. Rams -7 WIN
4. Cowboys/Rams under 50 LOSS

Sun 1/13/2019

1. Chargers +4 LOSS
2. Chargers/Patriots over 47½ WIN
3. Eagles +8 WIN
4. Eagles/Saints over 51 LOSS

Sun 1/20/2018

1. Rams +3½ WIN
2. Rams/Saints over 57 LOSS
3. Patriots +3 WIN
4. Patriots/Chiefs over 56 WIN

Sun 2/3/2018

1. Rams +2½ LOSS
2. Patriots/Rams over 56 LOSS

Alshon Jeffery and The Pythia-gorean Theorem

It is time to face the facts. Outside of boldly predicting the Rams would win the NFC West during the preseason at approximately 25-to-1 odds, I can't say I've had much success foretelling the ins and outs of the NFL this season at least when compared to the Ancient Greek version of the High Sparrow of Westeros: Pythia, the High Priestess of the House of Snakes. Indeed, my prophecies have generally been far worse than perhaps the most unlikely Nostradamus in professional sports, Alshon Jeffery. His ridiculous prediction could indeed come true, much like the broken clock in my basement that happens to be right twice a day. So, as always, listen to me now, and believe me later.

Record: 15-7

Sat 1/6/2018

1. Chiefs -8 LOSS
2. Titans/Chiefs over 44½ LOSS
3. Falcons +6½ WIN
4. Falcons/Rams over 48 LOSS

Sun 1/7/2018

1. Jaguars -8 LOSS
2. Bills/Jaguars under 39.5 WIN
3. Panthers +6½ WIN
4. Panthers/Saints over 48½ WIN

Sat 1/13/2018

1. Eagles +3 WIN
2. Falcons/Eagles under 41 WIN
3. Patriots -13½ WIN
4. Titans/Patriots over 47 WIN

Sun 1/14/2018

1. Jaguars +7½ WIN
2. Jaguars/Steelers over 41 WIN
3. Saints +4 LOSS
4. Saints/Vikings over 45 WIN

Sun 1/21/2018

1. Jaguars +9 WIN
2. Jaguars/Patriots under 46 WIN
3. Eagles +3½ WIN
4. Vikings/Eagles under 38 LOSS

Sun 2/4/2018

1. Eagles +5½ WIN
2. Patriots/Eagles under 48 LOSS

Somewhere Between Evenius and +3

While I haven't exactly been living up to my Grecian ancestor's legendary status, last year would suggest that there's a chance my NFL playoff predictions would yield a better return than say, this: TripAdvisor's stock performance in 2016. So, as always, listen to me now; believe me later.

Record: 9-13

Sat 1/7/2017

1. Texans -3½ WIN
2. Raiders/Texans over 36½ WIN
3. Seahawks -8 WIN
4. Lions/Seahawks over 42½ LOSS

Sun 1/8/2017

1. Steelers -10 WIN
2. Dolphins/Steelers over 47 LOSS
3. Giants +4½ LOSS
4. Giants/Packers under 44½ LOSS

Sat 1/14/2017

1. Seahawks +4.5 LOSS
2. Seahawks/Falcons under 51 LOSS
3. Texans +16 LOSS
4. Texans/Patriots under 44½ LOSS

Sun 1/15/2017

1. Chefs -1 LOSS
2. Steelers/Chefs under 46½ WIN
3. Cowboys -4 LOSS
4. Packers/Cowboys over 51½ WIN

Sun 1/24/2016

1. Falcons -4½ WIN
2. Packers/Falcons over 60½ WIN
3. Steelers +5½ LOSS
4. Steelers/Patriots under 50½ LOSS

Sun 2/7/2016

1. Falcons +3 LOSS
2. Falcons/Patriots over 58½ WIN

Theoclyminus Five and a Half?

While I haven't exactly been living up to my Grecian forefather's predictive abilities, I am confident my NFL playoff predictions are at least slightly better than this epic fail: David Pogue's 2006 iPhone prediction (read first sentence). So, as always, listen to me now; believe me later.

Record: 16-6

Sat 1/9/2016

1. Chefs -3 WIN
2. Chefs/Texans under 40 WIN
3. Bengals +2½ WIN
4. Steelers/Bengals over 45½ LOSS

Sun 1/10/2016

1. Seahawks -5½ LOSS
2. Seahawks/Vikings under 41 WIN
3. Redskins pk LOSS
4. Packers/Redskins over 44½ WIN

Sat 1/16/2016

1. Patriots -5 WIN
2. Chiefs/Patriots over 43 WIN
3. Packers +7 WIN
4. Packers/Cardinals over 49½ LOSS

Sun 1/17/2016

1. Panthers -1½ WIN
2. Seahawks/Panthers under 44 LOSS
3. Steelers +7.5 WIN
4. Steelers/Broncos under 40 WIN

Sun 1/24/2016

1. Broncos +3 WIN
2. Patriots/Broncos under 44 WIN
3. Cardinals +3 LOSS
4. Cardinals/Panthers over 48 WIN

Sun 2/7/2016

1. Broncos +4.5 WIN
2. Panthers/Broncos under 45 WIN